Where am I now?

And so comes the end of another year. 2008 is almost over and here I am reflecting on where I am now from a spiritual perspective.

I believe I started over a year ago to incorporate Eastern Catholic spirituality to my spiritual life. It has worked quite well since it enabled me to understand God more. Yes, I said understand. I am aware that He is beyond but there are things He revealed to us so we can know Him. But that is not the only way I knew of God more. God also used secular things to let Himself be understood. Believe it or not... with a lot of meditation and prayer involved, I understood more of God through comics. God is still the same person I wrote about before. He's immutable.

I'm still quite the non-conformist as I see some of society's direction incompatible to my convictions. So I swim the other direction.

Theology of the Body is still a driving factor on how I look at things. It still needs polishing but it makes a big difference on how I look at the world. It helps how I look at my family and friends. My "ethos" has since then changed.

I frequently listen to sermons from my favorite priests no matter what my mood is or no matter what my state is. Some of these homilies affirm my path. It solidifies me by confirming the things I have been contemplating. I believe I have reached a point where I pray "without ceasing." How can that be? I'm not in church 24/7. So did St. Paul but he said to rejoice and pray constantly. Let me explain... I might have tapped into the deepest recesses of my heart and made myself aware of it and making the knowledge of it second nature. The deepest recess of my heart is also the deepest pocket where God resides. In simpler terms, I am aware of God and it has become second nature. Praying without ceasing is not explicit formal prayer, rather it is more like a habit.

God has gifted me with a wife and daughter. I pray that it is in His plans for me to have more children. Along with this, the means to provide for all of them. Both of them, my daughter most of all, seem to act as an anchor in my life. They give perspective and direction. They are keys to things I have yet to understand. For now, I am simply asked to love them. Having a daughter has shaped me into something new... a father. I understand that I have to be honorable so she can honor me.

It's been years since my first metanoia. It's still ongoing, I assure you. It's never complete. It'll be done once I'm gone from this earth. The enthusiasm is gone because enthusiasm is a gift for beginners. At my current state now, I have no need of legalities when it comes to my faith. Rather, I tend to try and be more integrated. This concept is thanks to our Eastern Catholic brethren.

It's only 2008. There's still much to learn and understand about God. I still fall short and sin occasionally. Sometimes, I commit sin when I'm upset or depressed. Normal human emotions still strike me even though I do my best to control them and things of the world still affect me. Being a more integrated Catholic helps by driving the way I look at things and I have the understanding that God understands me more than anyone could. He's not done with me yet.